Bitterness

I read somewhere that what we call unforgiveness, the Bible calls bitterness; and as it turns out, unforgiveness is not even a word. (Not verbatim, but that’s how I remember it…)

And as I read that, I was walking a tightrope, teetering on the edge of falling into full on unforgiveness – rather, bitterness. Having been there before, it was a place all too familiar, a place I knew that I could easily slip back to. A place I could easily excuse and even explain away. A place, however, that is in direct opposition of God. And that, my friends is not a place I ever want to be – intentionally or unintentionally.

The best way I can think to describe the feeling is darkness. It’s like a ball of darkness inside that threatens to consume you. Yet, you hold onto it. Knowing, that it’s killing you. They say unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I disagree. You feel yourself dying from the inside out. You feel yourself becoming a shell of who you once were until you can’t feel anything. Until you’re just consumed.

That’s why we’re warned against it. So that our hearts don’t turn hard and cold.

Someone tell me, please, when did it become a badge of honor to profess that you’re “cold-hearted”? My heart aches for you. That’s nothing to brag about. When we turn our hearts off from feeling… we don’t control what we do/don’t feel. You’ll feel nothing at all. You won’t even be able to feel God’s presence. Believe me. I’ve been there.

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭14‬-‭15‬ ‭NIV‬‬

What pulled me back? His love. Jesus’ grace. His compassion. Those who prayed and I interceded on my behalf. Realization that I had drifted – I had left my First Love. Killing myself, holding onto hurt and unforgiveness – no bitterness – because of what he did, because of what she said, because of how I felt after they collectively did/said that thing or disrespected/disregarded/ridiculed/invalidated me. Because my pride was unwilling to let and allow me to surrender to the King of kings.

Man! What a terrible place to be! And to think I almost allowed myself to slip back…

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

*Original image courtesy of Yours Truly ☀️🌸