Starting Over

It’s okay to start over. I’ve started over 100 times in my life and I’ll be starting over until I die.

I don’t know why but those words both me so much comfort and stayed with me for days… Maybe it was because they were from an unlikely source? Maybe because they were unexpectedly timely in their delivery? Maybe because I have been in such a state of disarray, holding onto ghosts of the past that moving on, starting over, seems like a distant dream, if not a nightmare! Maybe because I was reminded of Isaiah 43:18-19 NIV:

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

And, Lamentations 3:22-23 KJV:

“It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.”

I divorced back in 2016.. I recently found out that he is getting remarried. I hadn’t shared this information with anyone. It wasn’t a good marriage. He wasn’t even a believer. When he left, I was devastated. I haven’t been able to start over. I haven’t wanted to. I had felt like a part of me died… When he left. I knew it was right.. his leaving/my letting go. But still. The way it happened. The abandonment. Something shifted. And I have felt like I’ve been at a stand still ever since, holding my breath, waiting. What it is that I’m waiting for? I couldn’t tell you.

Even the idea of starting over… And listen – I’ve had many new beginnings: I built a house in Washington, relocated to the Ark-La-Tex, purchased a house cash, it’s now a rental property, purchased another home. I raise chickens and goats and veggies and flowers. And yes, kids too! I have an adult daughter whom I took down to college. I went to Europe on a divorce trip. I really met Jesus and fell in love with Him! I formed a relationship with Jesus and serve Him not just religion. I’ve had many firsts.. Many fresh starts – new beginnings…

Still… there are areas where I still feel stuck. Areas where I still feel like I’m waiting and I simply can’t start over…

*Original image by yours truly ☀️🌸