Why?

I need to see you.

I thought to say, Me too. Maybe I did? But, as life would have it, that was the first of two text messages informing of me of two lives gone too soon.

The first, a suicide. The second, cancer.

I’m not sure what I think or feel about either. I just wish there was an answer… There are pieces I wish that I understood..

Sometimes, I get so consumed with my own life, family, issues – that I forget to look around. Does it really take death to remind me of this?

It’s like, just when you think you have broken free of the grasp that the suicide of someone you know has on you… Is this seriously another one?! Then, begins the questions – and even memories because the situation is all too familiar…

At the end of the day, it all boils down to: Why?

Sadly, the answer does not come. Comfort comes. Peace too – eventually, anyway. But, the answer to the “why” – I have not heard that yet. Sometimes, I still feel the impact from the losses of December 2017 and February 2018… Sometimes, I find myself still searching for the why…

Tonight, I wish I understood – more than ever – why?

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