My relationship with suicide – well I wish it didn’t exist. But, my relationship with suicide is unique at best. You see, I happen to hate suicide. I despise suicide to my core. Suicide has stolen, and nearly stolen, from me friends, loved ones, acquaintances, and more. Suicide keeps moving, stealthily wrapping his cold fingers around those whom I love, I know, innocent children, and the list goes on and on…
In the news we often hear of it. Hollywood seems to glamorize it, books can be so descriptive of it, social media publicizes it. In my life, I cannot escape it – suicide, I mean. Everywhere I turn suicide, suicide, suicide. At least that’s how it seems.
Suicide has crept its ugly head so near and dear to me. At first I was afraid of what this really meant for her, for me, for a family. No, let me be honest, I was afraid of what might actually happen. All my knowledge, training, skills went out the door. No sense or sensibility left. Dear God, don’t let me lose someone so near and dear to me – please, not her!
But fear. Fear brings out the worse in us. When we are driven by fear, we think we are doing what’s best, when in all actuality, we may be causing more harm. I was bringing more harm to the situation, with all of my fear. Thankfully, I saw this before it was too late. Renouncing fear, praying for calm to return, and Lord, please give me the words to say, or just the ears to hear. Finally able to process, turning the focus off of my fear and back to her. I realized how much she needed me.
I had blamed myself for not being there for some whom I had lost, not so long ago. I remember the grief counselor saying to me, There’s no way you really could have known. You are not God. The best thing you could have done, and I’m sure that you did, was to be there, be a friend. So, I made a vow, regardless of whatever emotions were going on inside of me, I would just be there. I’m just being there for now. I know the questions to ask, I know what signs to look for. And, I’m doing all of those things. But also, just being there, I think makes all the difference in the world.
Life can be challenging, if you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline NOW! Don’t wait! 1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK)